Why your partner's love feels missing (it's not what you think)

What are love languages and why they matter for Indian couples?

Your partner makes sure the car is always fueled up for your morning commute. They handle all the bill payments and never forget to pick up your dry cleaning. But when you ask for a simple "I love you" text during a tough day, they just say, "I show you every day, what more do I need?" Sound familiar?

This common misunderstanding often boils down to different "love languages." We all have unique ways we prefer to give and receive love, and when these don't align, it can feel like your partner isn't trying, even when they are. Understanding these different expressions, especially within the rich tapestry of Indian relationships, is key to bridging gaps and building deeper emotional intimacy. This blog will help you decode these hidden signals and learn how to truly connect.

Imagine a scenario: one partner grew up in a household where love was shown through constant verbal praise and affection. The other, however, experienced love through quiet acts of service, like a parent always ensuring their favorite meal was cooked. When these two individuals come together, their innate ways of expressing and receiving love can clash, leading to frustration and a feeling of being unloved, even when both are trying their best. This isn't a sign of a failing relationship, but rather a call to learn a new language – the language of your partner's heart.

The 5 love languages explained with Indian examples

Dr. Gary Chapman's concept of love languages suggests there are five primary ways people express and experience love. Knowing these can be a total game-changer for your relationship, helping you understand not just your partner, but also yourself.

1. Words of affirmation

This language thrives on verbal appreciation. Think compliments, words of encouragement, or simply saying "I love you." For Indian couples, this could be a husband telling his wife, "You look beautiful in that saree," or a wife appreciating her husband's hard work with, "I'm so proud of how you manage everything." It could also be a partner praising your cooking, acknowledging your efforts in managing the household, or sending a sweet text saying, "Thinking of you, my love." These small phrases can mean the world, especially when they are specific and heartfelt.

2. Acts of service

Actions speak louder than words for these folks. It's about doing things for your partner that you know they'd appreciate, easing their burdens or making their life easier. Imagine your partner making you a hot cup of chai every morning without being asked, or handling all the grocery shopping after a long week. Helping with parents' appointments, taking care of the kids while you relax, or even fixing a leaky tap are also classic acts of service in an Indian household. It's about showing love through tangible help, demonstrating care by taking on responsibilities.

3. Receiving gifts

For some, a thoughtful gift is a powerful symbol of love and care. It's not about the cost, but the thought behind it, the gesture that says, "I was thinking of you." This could be your partner bringing back your favourite snack from their work trip, a surprise piece of jewellery from the in-laws, or even a small, handmade card. It might be a book you mentioned wanting to read, a traditional sweet from your hometown, or a souvenir from a business trip. These gifts are tangible reminders of affection and that you are cherished.

4. Quality time

This love language is all about undivided attention. It's not just being in the same room, but truly engaging with each other without distractions. This might mean dedicated date nights away from family, a movie night with no phones, or long, uninterrupted phone calls for long-distance couples. It's about creating moments where you both feel seen and heard, where the focus is entirely on each other. This could be a quiet walk in the park, cooking a meal together, or simply sitting and talking about your day without interruptions. According to The Knot's 2024 study, 81% of couples in serious relationships use quality time to nurture intimacy, highlighting its universal importance.

5. Physical touch

For those who speak this language, physical closeness is paramount. It's about holding hands, hugs, cuddles, a reassuring pat on the back, or simply sitting close on the sofa. It's a powerful way to feel connected and secure, conveying warmth and comfort without words. This could be a gentle touch on the arm during a conversation, a comforting hug after a tough day, or intimate moments shared privately. According to The Knot's 2024 study, 82% of couples in serious relationships use physical affection to nurture intimacy, showing its universal importance.

How Indian culture shapes love expression

The concept of love languages takes on a unique flavour within Indian relationships. Our cultural backdrop, whether it's an arranged marriage or a love marriage, joint family dynamics, or traditional gender roles, deeply influences how we express and receive affection. These layers add complexity and nuance to how love is perceived and communicated.

In many Indian households, especially joint families, public displays of affection (physical touch) might be frowned upon or simply not common. A newly married couple might find the husband wants to hold his wife's hand in public, but she's uncomfortable due to family presence. Here, the husband's Physical Touch love language clashes with cultural norms. Similarly, a wife might feel unappreciated because her husband spends all his time with his parents, even though he's providing for her. He's showing love through Acts of Service/Family Duty, but she's craving Quality Time. The subtle gestures, a shared glance, or a quiet act of support often replace overt displays of affection.

Traditional gender roles often mean men show love through provision (Acts of Service), while women might show it through care (Acts of Service, Quality Time). These unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings if not addressed. For instance, a husband might feel he's doing his part by financially supporting the family, an Act of Service, while his wife yearns for Words of Affirmation or Quality Time. Conversely, a wife might dedicate herself to managing the home and caring for in-laws, expecting her efforts to be recognized, while her husband might be looking for more Physical Touch or Words of Affirmation. And let's be real, Bollywood has given us some interesting, sometimes unrealistic, ideas about love. If you're curious about how those cinematic myths might be affecting your real-life romance, check out our blog on relationship myths Bollywood taught us.

Why couples speak different love languages

It's perfectly normal for partners to have different love languages. Think about it: you both grew up in different families, with different examples of how love was shown. One partner might have grown up in a family where compliments were rare, making Words of Affirmation less natural for them, while the other's family constantly expressed verbal appreciation. These early experiences deeply embed our preferences.

These childhood experiences, past relationships, and even individual personalities all contribute to your primary love language. Often, we tend to give love in the way we prefer to receive it. This is why a partner who values Acts of Service might constantly do things for you, expecting the same in return, while you're secretly wishing for a heartfelt compliment. It's a classic case of speaking past each other, not out of malice, but out of different fundamental understandings of love.

Consider a couple where one partner's mother always showed love by cooking elaborate meals (Acts of Service), while the other's father always gave encouraging words (Words of Affirmation). When they marry, the first partner might express love by cooking for their spouse, feeling unappreciated when their efforts aren't met with verbal praise. The second partner, meanwhile, might offer compliments freely, wondering why their spouse doesn't seem to reciprocate in the same way. Recognizing these ingrained patterns is the first step towards empathy and understanding.

Finding your love language (and your partner's!)

The first step to bridging any gap is self-awareness. How do you naturally express love? What makes you feel most loved and cherished? Pay attention to what you complain about most often (e.g., "You never tell me you love me") – that's often a clue to your unmet love language need. Also, observe what you tend to do for others when you want to show them you care. That's often your default love language.

For a working couple with limited time, one partner might feel loved by a surprise coffee delivered to their desk (Receiving Gifts/Acts of Service), while the other just wants 15 minutes of uninterrupted chat (Quality Time). Both are expressions of love, but they're not speaking the same language. Another great way to figure this out is to think about what makes you feel truly appreciated and seen. Is it a heartfelt note, a helping hand, a thoughtful present, dedicated time together, or a warm embrace?

If you're looking for a fun and insightful way to kickstart this self-discovery, tools like BaeDrop's Magic Mirrors use AI to analyze your answers and reveal insights about your love language, attachment style, and what you truly need in a relationship—making it easier to share with your partner. It's like having a personalized guide to your emotional blueprint.

Bridging the gap when you're different

Once you know your love languages, the real work (and fun!) begins. It's about learning to "speak" your partner's language, even if it doesn't come naturally to you. This requires open communication and a willingness to adapt, to step outside your comfort zone and show love in a way that truly resonates with them.

• Communicate openly: Don't expect your partner to be a mind-reader. Clearly express, "I feel most loved when you..." or "It would mean a lot to me if you could..." Encourage them to do the same. This isn't about making demands, but about sharing vulnerabilities and needs.
• Learn their language: If your partner's love language is Acts of Service, make a conscious effort to help with chores or run an errand for them. If it's Words of Affirmation, send them a sweet text or offer a genuine compliment. If it's Quality Time, plan a distraction-free evening. For Receiving Gifts, a small, thoughtful token can go a long way. And for Physical Touch, a simple hug or holding hands can make a huge difference.
• Appreciate the effort: Even if your partner's attempt to speak your love language isn't perfect, acknowledge their effort. A simple "Thank you for trying, it means a lot" encourages them to keep trying and reinforces positive behavior. This positive reinforcement creates a virtuous cycle of giving and receiving love.

Consider a long-distance couple during family obligations. One partner sends money for a sibling's wedding (Acts of Service/Gifts), thinking they're showing love. But the other feels neglected and just wants daily video calls (Quality Time/Words of Affirmation). By understanding each other's languages, they can adjust their efforts. The partner sending money could also commit to a daily 15-minute video call, while the other could express appreciation for the financial support. This dual approach ensures both partners feel loved in their preferred ways.

For couples looking to make this discovery process fun and interactive, BaeDrop's Epic Vibes feature offers themed questions that help you learn each other's preferences in engaging ways. It's a great step towards setting epic couple goals for deeper connection. Remember, couples who actively work on communication report a 50% improvement in relationship satisfaction, proving that intentional effort truly pays off.

Tools that make discovery fun

Understanding love languages doesn't have to be a serious, sit-down conversation. There are plenty of fun ways to explore this with your partner. Quizzes, games, and even daily prompts can help you both uncover your preferences without feeling like homework. The goal is to make learning about each other an enjoyable part of your relationship journey, turning self-discovery into a shared adventure.

Think of it as a game where everyone wins. Instead of guessing what your partner needs, you get clear insights. Instead of feeling frustrated, you feel understood. These tools can spark conversations you might not have otherwise, leading to deeper connections and a more fulfilling relationship. They provide a safe and playful space to explore sensitive topics and express needs without pressure.

Conclusion

Decoding love languages in your Indian relationship can transform how you connect. It's about moving beyond assumptions and truly understanding what makes your partner feel cherished, and vice-versa. By learning to speak each other's unique language, you'll reduce misunderstandings, deepen your emotional intimacy, and build a bond that truly lasts. After all, 84% of urban Indians feel satisfied with feeling loved, proving that a little understanding goes a long way. This journey of discovery isn't just about fixing problems; it's about enriching your love story, making every gesture, every word, and every moment count.

Curious about your love language and what your partner really needs? Discover it together with BaeDrop's Magic Mirrors and Epic Vibes—it's like couple therapy, but actually fun.